I feel like such an insensitive piece of shit!! The whole damn world doesn't revolve around me! There are people who did worse. And those people are my friends. My friends aren't satisfied with their results too. Whatever gives me the right to cry and scream and demand consolation from them when i don't seem to care for them.

Hmmms, another conclusion that can be drawn from today :: Cheryl's an insensitive piece of shit! An unworthy friend! And a horrible girlfriend!

Wonder how he's doing now. But I don't have the strength to pick up the phone and call him. I don't wanna break down again. I don't wanna cry like some weakling. He's upset too. But I dunno why I can't seem to find it in myself to console him. Why?! Am I really such a failure?

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 00:29 *-- [.//cry out**]

One conclusion drawn from the release of the O Level results today :: Cheryl's H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S! Hear that, HOPELESS!

My freaking results were so damn pathetic. Wait, correction. Not (were). A more correct way to put it -- "Cheryl's results ARE pathetic!"

And when I say I'm hopeless, I seriously mean it! How hopeless can someone get when the cuts on her arm look like freaking scratches!? Somehow even my trusty old friend doesn't like me anymore. It died on me. It just ain't sharp no more!

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 00:05 *-- [.//cry out**]

Cheryl is freaking out! And its majorly freaking out!! Results are out TODAY! Oh my goodness!! Cheryl's a wreck! A worrying pot!! See, I have no damn idea what I'm talking about. I am FREAKING OUT BIG TIME!

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 11:07 *-- [.//cry out**]

Hmmm, haven't been blogging for awhile. It's been a few stressful, worry-some days!! Results out tomorrow!! +shudders+ I'm kinda like freaked? But then again, I know there ain't nothing to be worried about seeing there's nothing I can do about it now but PRAY! I'm just hoping I'll make it, through God's wonderful grace +shrugs+ Oh well...

Gonna go out in a bit. Kinda like trying to enjoy myself before the results are out? IN CASE anything happens to me. Haha. Man, I'm lame +sighs+ Can't help but worry man! I mean there's pressure from everyone. My folks are like going on about it EVERYDAY! Hence, you can't blame me. Heh

Oooh, had a long talk with Heather last night. It's been ages eh Plink? Talked about every damn thing we could think of and man, has everyone changed. Me for one. I guess I've changed a lil for the better? Haha. I don't know. I guess I'm not as materialistic and superficial as before. And I'm not as wild as before? Haha. Ah well. :)

Anyways, I gotta go now. Don't wanna be late meeting Yenlin and Yan Xi latyaz people

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 15:10 *-- [.//cry out**]

I'm so so so bored! There's absolutely nothing to do now! I cannot believe I'm staying home today. I mean, its Cheryl! +marvels+ This is amazing. Cheryl's actually staying home! Wow! Haha. So this is how bored i am! Woopeee~

+frowns+ What the hell am I doing?! Okay, I think I should go off now. He's coming over soon +sighs+ This is gonna be a long, boring day!

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 12:30 *-- [.//cry out**]

+shrieks+ Just wrote an entry and it completely disappeared! Argh! This is so darn annoying. Anyways, went to ACJC this afternoon with Yanxi. Saw like tons of people I haven’t seen in ages there. Miss them all like mad can. Haha. Had a good time checking out the cute guys and girls there. Haha. Didn’t see Paul though. Poor guy was stuck at the haunted house thing. Yeah well. Really funny though. I guess I miss him so damn much that I mistook a coupla guys for him. Haha. Amazing how I can’t recognize my own boyfriend +sheepish grin+ Oh and Yanxi’s gonna be so crushed to find out her cute rugger, Nick’s attached. Lol. Its okay girl. There’s still Bryan? Haha.

Oh yes, saw Ching with Fh. Second time in 2 weeks? +wonders+ I wonder what’s going on. Heh. I know I’m evil. Just kidding babe. :P

Man, damn tired now. Was about to fall asleep while talking to Mel until he called. Sounded real bad on the phone with his sorethroat. Hmms, I know its nothing but I can’t help but be concerned? Ah well, its just like me to eh? Well, I think I shall stop here. Gonna go cook barley for my sweetie +grins+ I just hope he gets better and not develop food poisoning then +crosses fingers+ Ok, I shall be off nowww

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 1:46 *-- [.//cry out**]

i'm feeling like such an idiot. i feel so unreasonable. i feel like such a horrible person and girlfriend. i resolve to STOP thinking of all things bad. i resolve to look on the bright side. i resolve to enjoy and cherish every moment i have with him. i resolve to be the best girlfriend ever. (okay, fine i will TRY my very BEST) :P i resolve not to kick up a fuss and not to magnify any small tiny minute problems. i will place all my faith in God and know that He will be there always! there, i feel so much better now +smiles+ i was just being paranoid. but i'm ok now. very very ok!! heh

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 23:28 *-- [.//cry out**]

okay, ALL my friends are pissed at me now. why? cause i'm too paranoid and i'm thinking too much. great!

well, i should or rather, i MUST stop thinking now! +kicks self+ *stop thinking stupid!* hmmms, i am going crazy. talking to myself now. heh.

crashed cj yesterday. and Mel was calling me *kc bitch all the way. cause i was in the ij uniform. bleah. anyways, i think i should be crashing sr tomorrow.

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 23:04 *-- [.//cry out**]

Cheryl's an idiot! a total I.D.I.O.T! what else is there to say?

cried like mad. dunno what came over me. just overwhelmed with emotions right now. whatever problems that might crop up, its MY fault. and why is that? its because i'm simply an emotional paranoid thing. i feel neglected in this relationship. and i admit, i need a LOT of attention from my boyfriend. something he isn't really willing to give at the moment.

haven't been in a relationship where i'm actually crying out for attention. i'm usually the one who isn't giving enough attention, not the one seeking for it! i need time to get used to this. and i dunno how long i need. and how long the relationship will last with me feeling this way. i just feel like the relationship isn't stable enough. like alot more work is needed. yes, this is pure selfishness on my part cause i know he is busy. and i shouldn't even try explaining myself. so yes, i am selfish. i am crying out for attention!

and i feel like crap. i know that everything will turn out fine when i let go of my insecurities but somehow i don't have that strength. am too afraid that if i let go, it will all fall apart. i'm hurting. this pain is getting too much to bear

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 01:27 *-- [.//cry out**]

i hate this! i hate playing the peacekeeper. this is so annoying!

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 21:37 *-- [.//cry out**]

sick and it sucks. my throat hurts like mad. head is spinning. nose is leaking. hungry.

to put it simply, dying

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 02:31 *-- [.//cry out**]

hmmms. gonna go off to bed soon. meanwhile i shall just post a short entry while downloading my song :)

let's just say this year's v-day was the most memorable one i've ever had. not only did i have a valentine this year (after like ages), some "interesting" stuff happened. stuff that i do not really care to talk about... well, not now at least.

Paul got me a ring with engraving. so sweet of him +grins+ and a sweet sweet letter. and as usual, as Mel says, i cry at everything and that my tears are FOC. yeah... met Ching and her friend at taka to pass her present to her. oh, she got me a 'precious moments' mug. was really nice. Yenlin and Yanxi got me something too. soo sweet of them can. haha and i was carrying the red balloon from Yenlin around.

okay, i'm real sleepy now. gonna be off. was sleeping so soundly just now till sweetie called +grrr+ anyways, tata. and i hope everyone had a good v-day!! whether it was spent with friends or your special someone +hugs+

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 02:33 *-- [.//cry out**]

i know i'm paranoid. but i just am this way. its hard to change. well, i guess i'm learning... learning to talk about my feelings. talk about what's troubling me and not keeping everything inside. but i'm still pretty hesitant about telling him EVERYTHING. don't want him to think i'm some crazy emotional wreck +shrugs+

seesh. i am crazy aren't i?

yeah well, gonna go shopping later. and i've decided.. i'm gonna get him a shirt and be done with it. not gonna think anymore.

+ponders+ am i really thinking too much? was just sitting down and staring into space, kinda zoning out. thinking about lotsa stuff. my past relationships, ex-crushes and all that stuff. hmmms, and i kinda came to a conclusion that... he IS different. or so i hope. this is something i've never experienced before. i used to be so forthright in ALL my relationships. used to be able to TALK about how i was feeling and what i was unhappy or happy about in the relationship. but this is different. i'm so conscious of how he would feel and think! +grrr+

only two explanations: this might be real or maybe i don't love him that much whatever the case i sure hope its the first one

i've never felt like that before. so outta control, so irrational and so... like this! (see what i mean) anyways, back to this. i don't know. i'm seriously hoping this is it.

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 02:21 *-- [.//cry out**]

okay my fourth entry for today. man am i bored. anyways, my dad's back!! yay! +jumps around+ this means i can do whatever i want on saturday. cause my dad will be taking my mom out! +cheers+ changed to a better layout. something with COLOR! haha. don't want people +glares at Mel+ telling me my life is dull and boring. haha.

right, i am nuts. i'm so happy my dad's back that i've gone off my knockers. lol. la dee darh~ gonna go down to parkway in awhile cause that stupid woman wants to print her pictures. oh and that reminds me... the finishing touches of his present +groans+ AND i hafta go out tomorrow to buy something. i still have no idea what. but i just gotta get something! +sighs+ this is why i hate shopping for people. cause i'm so anal about getting the most perfect gift. seesh.

sometimes i would do so much better if i would just lighten up. i suppose so. but then i wouldn't be me. okay, enough about me going on and on about nothing at all. byee

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 15:01 *-- [.//cry out**]

okay, finally got the stupid weblog thing done. took me ages. i can't believe i'm up so early today. after sleeping at almost 7!! i got woken up by Su. my dear girl wanted to meet me for brekkie at 8?! anyways Su baby, sorry. am really tired.

anyways, i'm online just to help Mel so i suppose i shall be off to actually help her. tataz

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 12:36 *-- [.//cry out**]